Reviewing the Criterion Collection

Note: A college professor once made the mistake of telling me that I would make an excellent sportswriter, movie reviewer, or literary critic.  It immediately went to my head, and ever since that day I’ve thought that people would want to hear what I have to say about pop culture stuff.  Now that I have this forum in which to vomit my thoughts on just about anything, I am proud to dust off the childhood dream and make it a reality.  To that end, I’d like to present the first in a line of reviews that I’ve lined up exclusively for the readers of Baveblog.org.  The movies I review will run the gamut from comedy to action to drama to romance, but each will have one thing in common with the others- some outstanding distinguishing feature or criterion* that sets it apart from its contemporaries.  Some of these movies will be popular fare, and some will be titles of which you’ve likely never heard.  The hope is that by writing about these forgotten classics, I may revive some small discussion about the merits and demerits of movies that, regardless of your thoughts, are deserving of analysis.  So without further ado, I present the first movie review of what is known as the Criterion Collection.

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The hot tag!

Like a house of fire –

He leaps through the ropes! Unconcerned with anything but the destruction of all in his path. Filled with the Madness, the Mania, and enough Hard Times to satiate your American Dream; Our hero has arrived!

Hip-toss to Becky

Dropkick to Dyna

Shoulder tackle to Bouch

Who can stop him?!

The fear of having his words published on the most influential blog of 2016 and beyond.

The ManSlap Club

sly-and-arnold

Right now, at this very second, I am watching a wrestling pay per view.  This is notable because it is the first wrestling pay per I have viewed in sixteen years.  (Side note: Are they still called pay per views?)  I stopped watching back in 2000 or so, around the decline of the “Attitude Era”.  But that’s a tale for another day.

Here’s what I noticed watching this pay per view- man are these guys muscular and good looking!  A far cry from the days when you could make a living rasslin by possessing nothing more than a prodigious gut or laughable physical abnormality.  Now you gotta be jacked and vascular, just like my two heroes Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sly Stallone.  Watching these beefcakes narrowly miss punches and kicks has got me thinking back to what my buddy Dan and I dubbed “The ManSlap Club”.

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